Falling in Pamplona

My new friend Matt, a teacher in California, has a student who had an accident, falling and hitting his head so brutally that he’s been on a ventilator for a week.  His family and friends prayed and held hands, and sang and played guitar in the ICU.  They prayed and told stories, and hugged and lifted each other up.  They prayed and pleaded, and made deals, and became angry, and sullen, and cried, and fell to their knees, and said goodbye to Gregory.

They unplugged the ventilator and lost their friend, their inspiration, their dreams, their son.

We will always look back with regrets.  But we know that living life is at its very core, running the race, not watching others.  How I wish I could lift them up and give them strength.  I’m only able to get out of bed, and put one front of the other, and breathe at all – because I’ve been lifted up and granted strength.  Prayers lift me up, prayers will lift Greg’s family up.

As I’m anticipating my approaching Camino, it occurs to me that the running of this race seems like the running of the bulls – absurd to those watching, exhilarating to us running.  When we stumble and fall, the near misses force us to doubt whether it has been worth it to be here.  Then we see the horns approaching a neighbor; we swoop them up to safety.  We can because we’re here.  I’ll be in Pamplona in a few weeks for the first time.  Again.

Buen Camino.

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Sharing

Until a couple of weeks ago, I had never heard of WordPress, and now it has become another of my compusions.  But why is there this tug to read others stories?

Some one shared that we read to know we’re not alone, as quoted from “Dead Poets Society.”  I find surprising consolation knowing that I’m in great company; with some, in experience and burden, in others in the vision quest.  I do enjoy the “sharing.” 

I make more mistakes than anyone I know, but have recently learned that life’s much too short to make all of them.  So it’s good to learn from others’.

Although I’m new to writing my thoughts for the world (or even myself) to see, I started down this road because I simply wanted to learn some way to share about my upcoming Camino.  I’m a bit compulsive perhaps, but I woke this morning to find that I’ve started six blogs.  Not sure where any of this leads, but I’m sure I’ll look back to see another of life’s metaphors. 

Buen Camino!

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Coming Back?

Yesterday’s meeting was predictable.  Not only had nothing changed, the boss actually wanted me to remind him how we left our last meeting.  I’m not surprised, I just wanted to be.  His big news that he couldn’t wait to tell me was that he needed another 6 or 8 months.  Then he’d know.  Right.  I reiterated that it probably took me out of the loop.  I would continue to be a good employee, and that was that.  He expressed a bit of surprise & relief, “So you ARE coming back?”  Yeah, I was pretty sure I had made that clear.  Wandering around in Spain for the rest of my life won’t pay the bills.

Lunch

Although today was supposed to be “Taco Tuesday” at Tijuana Flats with brother in law Donnie Frison, it looks like I gotta cancel!

Today’s the big meeting, where Dr. L is expected to “come clean” and tell me what he really intends to do in regards to selling his practice to me.  We’ve had that talk, each time with a “stop misleading me/yourself ultimatum.”  However this time really is profoundly different.  Two weeks ago I made it clear that we were going ahead with Sharon’s plan to pursue her dream of a teacher’s support/educational resourse supply store.  If the banks approved her endeavor, and tings fell into place, I would really not be interested in buying the practice.

It simply would not be fair to Shar, our marriage, our family or my ever increasing bloodpressure to even consider two entreprenurial endeavors at the same time.  I’ve unfairly stopped Shar from her dream for three years while he kept telling me that he really wanted to sell to me.  And now.  But we’re just waiting for this, or that, etc, etc.  I had come to the conclusion that he has no intention to do so, regardless of what he says or what he thinks he feels.

Anyway, so this time it just feels different.  I told him that after this educational store ball gets rolling, I will not/can not be interested until it becomes a profitable endeavor, likely 3-5 years.  By then I’ll be 58 and frankly will have no desire to expand my stress level in owning a new business.  I told him, I am a good employee, I will be one, and will continue to be.  But I will NOT ever again be interested in purchasing this hospital if we do not come to at least a handshake agreement prior to my leaving in April.  Period.

He just sat and looked at me like a deer in the headlights and said, “Wow.”  This was not even vaguely similar to past responses.  He said he needed a few days to consider, and consult with his accountant & attorney.  Well it’s now been two weeks, and today’s the day he’s chosen to “discuss” things with me.  I have no expectations.  Been there, Done that.  More to come.